Choke On That Candy Heart: The Overly Happy and Touchy Public Couple

SPECIAL VALENTINES DAY EDITION

Let me start by saying I picked the picture above from a thumbnail and now that I have uploaded it, it really creeps me out. First of all, the dude looks at least a quarter retarded. He looks unstable as all hell. He is that guy at the party breaking bottles over his head and everyone is laughing but also noting where the exits are in case an escape needs to take place. Also, is the chick wearing any clothes? Normally I would not mind that, hell, I would encourage it- but I think there is a decent chance that she is also a guy. Look at how meaty those arms are!Also, has anyone seen Real World Brooklyn? The chick on that show that used to be a dude looks a lot like this broad. Enough to raise a few questions...

Anyways, Valentines Day is coming up and that means some of us get to have a special day with someone special, and some of us get to have a sloppy and depressing night with someone sloppy and depressing. I fall into the latter. I will be spending the night with this chick.

In all seriousness, to a single person, there is nothing more annoying than the overly touchy and lovey couple. Its bad enough to know you are out there somewhere. Cant you just spoon in the dark and watch Love Actually like all the other couples out there? You gotta bring that shit in to public? To parties? I wish I could shot gun a beer but I know I will just throw it up next time you two break out into a tickle fight.

Also- Who are these people kidding? Everyone knows its a true that the more lovey dovey a couple acts in public the more fucked up things actually are. Fact. Common knowledge. When that couple who is giving each other Eskimo kisses in Starbucks get home, the wheels come off the wagon. The guy is either beating the ever loving shit out of that girl, or shes making him participate in some sort of weird farmer/pig role playing scenario. Its called over compensation people, read a book.

Lastly, who does this? Didn't PDA go out of style while Dawson's Creek was still on the air? I am pretty sure that last time I held hands with a chick in public an Oasis CD was playing. The only kind of acceptable PDA is making out, at a bar, with a stranger.

And everyones doing it! Even ugly people are groping each other like they can massage some attractiveness into their lover. They should know that they are barely allowed to come in to public in the first place, don't push it.

You two! Out of the gene pool!